Finder’s Keepers Review (DNF)

I hate to DNF a book, but this is one of the most confusing and poorly written books that I have ever read. I received a free copy in exchange for my honest review. 

Danielle and her husband Donald are newly married, Danielle is black and her husband is white (trust me this is surprisingly important), and when they were having sex at their job of instead watching the universe, they accidentally dropped an important jar over a railing and into Earth. This jar could destroy or create a universe. If the jar isn’t found, they could be punished by being dissolved and scattered throughout the universe. 

Emma is an example of one of those punished people, except she wasn’t punished as harshly. She and her lover (I guess?) have been turned ugly and into some sort of man-dog respectively because they lost a jar, and they have been exiled to earth because of that. She is trying to find out who has the jar in order to be turned pretty again.

Jason is one of those people that doesn’t know how to find themselves, and so he decides to go on a trip around the world in order to do so. He’s probably the only characters that I actually cared about.

And Theo is the one who has the jar. Apparently touching the jar sent him on some sort of acid trip, and made him have amazing sex with this random friends with benefits girl. His brother actually smokes weed and probably other drugs, but when he tries to touch this jar they go on some sort of hallucinatory trip where they think they get eaten by a whale. So Theo decides to be a backpacker too. Idk.

So let’s go back, one by one, and say what I have to say about each storyline. Danielle and Donald. From the beginning of the book, it is known that Danielle is black, and it is affirmed by her stereotypes. Donald is the typical “pacifist” husband, who just loves his wife. Danielle, on the other hand, is rude to her husband when it’s both of their faults that they got in the situation, curses CONSTANTLY, has speech that people would probably assume to be “ghetto”, and just is screaming all of the bad stereotypes about African American women. I don’t even know if it was supposed to be funny, or what, but it just seemed to be such boring and redundant humor.

Emma and her dog-man Lex are in some sort of weird bestiality relationship. Like I don’t think I remember reading them having full-on sex, but with how confusing this story was with the POV’s I don’t even know. But she definitely did sexual things with him, and it was just horribly weird and awkward to read. I didn’t even know what to think. Plus she was doing other things with other people, and it was just weird.

Jason’s story wasn’t bad, it was just kind of a backpacking gone wrong story. It wasn’t necessarily that funny, but it wasn’t as bad as the other arcs of the story. SO I accepted this one.

Theo…I don’t even know. I don’t even know what happened to him. I don’t mind drugs in moderation in a storyline, or a character battling it, but this story just seemed to throw it around, and in the end I just saw him pop up in the storyline somewhere random and I just gave up.

This story was just a multiple POV mess, and I would not recommend to anyone. Read 210/360 ebook pages.

Overall Rating: 0.5/5